Sperm banks, invitro, adoption—today’s women have found ways to have kids without a husband. Both heterosexual women and their lesbian counterparts raise children as single women by choice. Or, lesbian women pool their children in domestic households with two mothers. What has happened to the endangered male species? Do we just want him for his sperm? Is there a role for a father in this scenario? What about the gay male who wants a family?
Stretch your imagination, and meet the Walker* family—Lequetia*, Mom, 46, Marcus*, Dad, 48, Shelby*, daughter, 19 and Jack*, son, 15. Sounds like your all-American nuclear family, right? Well, kind of, sort of but not really. Mom, Dad and daughter are gay and their son is heterosexual. As unconventional as they are happy, the Walker family have lived in a Glendale cottage for eight years where each gets his/her own space and also gather around the TV and eat dinner together.
Lequetia and Marcus’s history date back to college where they first met and became close friends. They hooked up again after college. “I was living at home with my sister, and we got into a fight. I wanted to commit suicide, I was so upset. I called Marcus. And he offered me his place to stay. We became very close,” Lequetia told me. After they were living together, the issue of children soon came up. “I always wanted kids. We knew we were both gay. He did not want kids at first. Then, both of his parents died, and he started considering how important family was to him since he did not really have one,” she said. Lequetia convinced him to change his political views on children. “He used to say, ‘The world is too messed up for a kid,’ to which I replied, ‘The world is always going to be messed up, but family is important.’”
The most obvious question to ask when you live with the father of your children and he is your friend, is whether or not he gets jealous over the women you date and vice versa? Admittedly, jealousy rears its ugly head at times in the Walker household, although the reasons are similar to a heterosexual family dynamic. “Either you think somebody is not good enough or you get less attention or you don’t like the person,” Lequetia said. “Now, we have reached a point where we can talk about it.”
Like in heterosexual families, the key relationship that holds the family together is Lequetia and Marcus. “He used to be my best friend but since a recent death in the family, we have evolved into a co-parenting super team,” she said. “I don’t think there’s anything we can’t get done together.”
In addition to the discussion of birds and bees, this gay family had to have a coming out discussion. “The children were exposed to their gay aunts and they were also exposed to our gay friends. We did not come out to them until the Matthew Shepard movie, The Laramie Story. When we did, we found that they had already known. They said, ‘You don’t act like other parents. We see how other parents act, and we see you are different.’ They were cool,” Lequetia told me.
Unlike society at large, Jack, the son of the Walker family, is in the minority, being heterosexual. He has shown resilience, said Lecretia. “I don’t think he is affected in a bad way. I think he is allowed to be himself. His sister was really cool in high school so he could ride n the coattails of her coolness. He’s a funny person in his own right. “ As Lucretia believes gayness is in the genes, and Marcus did not want to impose gayness on any of his children, the kids have been raised to be who they are. They are both comfortable with their sexuality.
And what do the nosy neighbors think of your situation? “In the beginning, I don’t think they knew even though I had a shaved head. We rented the place and originally sent a family foto in which we looked like the Cleavers. In person we looked queer. They started off friendly at first and I’m not sure if the animosity started when we made it clear we didn’t like how they disrespected the entire neighborhood or when they just saw our open displays of affection.”
Although Lecretia still feels her life is not fulfilled because she has not met the love of her life, she is dating and the kids have learned to give her her own space. “Having company was awkward at first. They knocked on the door. Now they give me my space. The kids are harder on me and who I am dating that Marcus,” she says. “My therapist says the kids are more protective of their mother.”
All, in all Lequetia considers raising her family her greatest accomplishment. “We have raised great kids. Can gay people raise great kids? Yes!”

Tags:gay families

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Janet Trakin is an ex-New Yorker who migrated to Los Angeles via South Florida. She has ghostwritten several books and has published in the Advocate, Today's Caregiver, L.A. Weekly, Hits Magazine, and several other consumer magazines and community newspapers. Her poetry and short stories have appeared in www.freestylevision.com, www.onerealstory.com, Bare Back Magazine, and Lesbian News.
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