Today is Valentines Day and at this very moment, hundreds or gay and lesbian couples will be the Beverly Hills Courthouse to require marriage licenses. The couples, led by Robin Tyler and Diane Olson, and Rev. Troy Perry and Phillip De Blieck are not intending to receive license but they are hoping to raise awareness. The tradition has been going on for several years and it is likely to continue until equality prevails. But some Christian groups would argue this small Valentine’s Day tradition is nothing compared to the tradition they’ve grown accustomed to, marriage between one man and one woman sanctified in a Church before God. The Vatican has said time and time again that “the purpose of bringing men and women together is for its pro-creative potential.” Even some gays and lesbians believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman because marriage is a “religious thing.”

But Stephanie Coontz says that’s not the case. Her book Marriage, A History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage, tells us that marriages roots had nothing to do with churches, or procreation, or love actually. “Rarely in history has love been seen as the main reason for getting married,” says Coontz in her book. “When someone did advocate such a strange belief… it was considered a serious threat to social order.” If you’ve seen Fiddler on the Roof you’ve heard this story before. You didn’t marry someone for love, you married them for political or socio-economic reasons. In fact, Coontz says that churches and states were not even involved in marriages in the way they are today until the 1750s. Contrary to popular belief, marriage stems from the secular world.

Coontz contends that all through history marriage has been different and each time it changed, the leaders of the time said the changes would destroy the institution. She seems to think that people’s high expectations of marriage will destroy it first. “About two centuries ago Western Europe and North America developed a whole set of new values about the way to organize marriage and sexuality.In this Western model, people expect marriage to satisfy more of their psychological and social needs than ever before. Marriage is supposed to be free of the coercion, violence, and gender inequalities that were tolerated in the past. Individuals want marriage to meet most of their needs for intimacy and affection and all their needs for sex. Never before in history had societies thought that such a set of high expectations about marriage was either realistic or desirable. Although many Europeans and Americans found tremendous joy in building their relationships around these values, the adoption of these unprecedented goals for marriage had unanticipated and revolutionary consequences that have since come to threaten the stability of the entire institution.”

Tags:A History: From Obedience to Intimacy, Marriage, marriage history, or How Love Conquered Marriage, Stephanie Coontz

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Matt Falber is the Editor-in-Chief of Real Gay L.A. Matt was formerly an editorial assistant at Frontiers Magazine. He served as a regular contributing writer for Frontiers for two years and also wrote for IN Los Angeles, its sister publication. Matt has a flare for the arts and when we don't have him chained to his desk, he can be seen singing and acting in various L.A. venues.
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