Be an angel instead.

A few years ago, when calling a friend whose lack of family ties meant she spent holidays alone, I did what most of us are trained to do and wished her a merry Christmas.

“The hell with Christmas,” she said between burps brought on by wine. “The hell with the whole world!”

Yes, the season to be jolly is upon us once again. It centers on one day, December 25, but officially begins a month earlier with Thanksgiving, another day when the emphasis is on family togetherness. The opening sentence of Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities - “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” - didn’t refer to the holiday with which the author is synonymous, but it may describe Christmas better than any passage in his tale of Ebenezer Scrooge. For those with family, it can, indeed, be a joyous season, as cheerful and lovely as a brightly lit tree.

For gay folks, Christmas can be less than cheery. Those of us who are fortunate enough to be in relationships have it better than those who are unattached, but same-sex couples are often faced with an uncomfortable choice: spend the big day with your lover, or leave him or her behind to visit your family. If you’re in the closet, it’s unlikely you’re going to invite your partner to join your family for Christmas dinner. On the other hand, even gay couples who are open about the nature of their relationship may find that the welcome mat is missing in homes where the family disapproves of homosexuality.

Then there’s the single person whose family has been fractured by death or distance. They may feel like the only person in the world without a present under the tree, or the only one who hasn’t even bothered putting up a tree or other decorations. Christmas has been so romanticized through the centuries that few of us are immune to the disappointment that results if our holiday falls short of the ones depicted in movies, TV, or Norman Rockwell paintings.

In one of Rockwell’s many holiday-themed illustrations, we see a woman, her white hair and ruffled apron identifying her as a grandmother, delivering a plate containing a large turkey to a table. Several smiling children are gathered nearby, seated beside their parents. Even without a fireplace crackling in the background, the scene exudes warmth. Titled “Thanksgiving Dinner,” the painting was one of four that Rockwell created in 1943 in answer to President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s speech to Congress expressing the belief that there are four basic freedoms: Freedom of Speech, Freedom to Worship, Freedom from Want, and Freedom from Fear.

Of course, Freedom of Speech comes with a price, as does Freedom to Worship, but both are guaranteed by the Constitution. Freedom from Want and Fear, however, are not a right, but a hope.

Hope may be the best present anyone can receive for Christmas, and it can be given with relative ease. Instead of embarking on a solitary drinking binge, spend the day fulfilling the wants and lessening the fears of those who go without in ways most of us can only imagine. Volunteer at a homeless shelter.

Visit a Veteran’s hospital or a nursing home. Invite the elderly person down the street to share your table for Christmas dinner. Put the focus on others instead of yourself, and you may find that your burden is lighter and your holiday brighter. Instead of placing an angel on a treetop, be the angel and spread some much needed cheer.

Bringing a smile to the face of another is the most reliable way to begin smiling yourself. Instead of saying, as my friend did, “The hell with Christmas, ” shake off your self-pity, count your blessings, and then go out and share them with someone less fortunate.

Tags:christmas, volunteering

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Brian Fairbanks is a member of the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association (NLGJA), he holds a Bachelor of Arts in English from Cleveland State University. In addition to his freelance writing activities, he is the Entertainment Editor at Paris Woman Journal, a webzine in Paris, France, and a contributer to Hyena Productions in Hollywood, California.
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